Today I finally acknowledged what everyone else who loves me or knows me or probably even ever met me already knows.
My name is Albert and I am an alcoholic.
I will not be going to those damn meetings though. I created this problem and I can solve it on my own. Today I am limiting myself to only two shots. I know it won’t be easy but I can do it. I just have to change my habits. Not go to the same hangouts.
It’s Friday night. The room is intermittently illuminated by the flashing of the neon sign announcing “Vacancy.” If it only knew.
I did not bring a friend and my wife wouldn’t be caught dead in a place like this so I will drink alone. That’s okay, I like it better that way.
I struggle to pull the shot glass from my pocket and place in on the nightstand next to the paper bag containing the bottle. Discarding the bag and fighting the urge to chug half the bottle, I remove the cap and place it to the left of the shot glass on the invisible footprints left by the cockroaches.
Pouring the shot brings back memories of when I used to use shot glasses. Back when we were first married. Before the kids were born. I wonder how they are doing?
DO NOT throw back this first shot! Sip it!
Calling all the willpower I possess I manage to take only a sip and set the glass back down. There is no hurry. The room is paid for all night, I have nowhere else to be and my wife knows better than to expect me home at a decent hour after all these years.
The urge to take the next sip is all-consuming. I should call my son. I’m sure he wouldn’t answer. How long has it been? My daughter might answer if she isn’t already shit-faced herself. A chip off the ol’ block. She and her mother blame me for that.
STOP! It’s not time for the next sip yet!
I don’t know why they blame me. I don’t blame my father. I take full responsibility for my actions. I always have. I just didn’t realize until today it had gotten this bad.
Okay, you can take the next sip now.
Ahhh, whiskey doesn’t burn anymore but I still love the smell.
God Dammit! you were supposed to stop at a sip!
No matter. I set the glass down.
I wait for what seems like an eternity before reaching for my second shot.
Wrapping my lips around the cold steel barrel I hesitate only a moment before pulling the trig…
